I’ve been crying. Over and over again. The warm water poured over my body as I emptied the tears from my eyes in the shower. The beginnings of a release a realization an evolution of self. These episodes are not tears of sadness but of joy, of peace, and love as my understanding of who and what I am grows to new levels. To feel and experience the infinite power of yourself, the creator and the universe is profound and unexplainable. There does not exist at this time sufficient words to describe the intangible and most people skew perversely any notion of god or Christ consciousness as I did most of my life.


Deep inside within all of us is the turmoil of dealing with our existence. Some choose not to ask the big questions, who or what am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What the actual fuck is going on? I am not one of those people, however those are the questions we all ask even if only unconsciously.


I see pain and suffering in people every day struggling with internal conflicts, battles with self-love and worth. Confused, sedated, feeling helpless and hopeless when liberation from all of that is possible right now with a change in thinking. It’s so easy and at the same time virtually impossible. The strong releases I have been experiencing have certainly been influenced by Ayahuasca ceremonies and one experience with smoking 5 meo DMT where you are privileged to get to see behind the curtain of reality. A place I always knew existed and have experienced in meditation but much more profound and clear. It’s like if you were watching a film in 2D and that’s all you ever knew and then all of a sudden someone shows you 3D, DMT is 4D so to speak. These experiences have been insightful and at the same time the lessons can be learned without their help and it’s only reaffirming things I already knew.


The game of life we choose to play is merely an illusion and Nicola Tesla once said “If you want to know the secrets of the universe think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration” and he was correct. Our reality is merely a reflection of ourselves and the truth is that it’s not even real. Questioning your reality is absolutely paramount for true self discovery. Ascended masters such as Jesus Christ, Buddha, Krisha, books on Zen and enlightenment are all attempting to show us the truth. We are all one, we are light, we are love and separation is merely an illusion and these are concepts that don’t seem to make much sense to many, however science and quantum mechanics is beginning to prove what so many know to be true. We know this because we can feel it, we are the energy, we are the vibration and if it weren’t for my friends and people I’ve met who I can share this with I’d probably think I was insane, I still question it. The real insanity is this reality and what others choose to do to each other not realizing they are doing to themselves.


The power of god, the creator, or whatever word feels right for you is everywhere all of the time and you are that power, you have to be. It is a feeling and an understanding I wish I could bestow upon each and every person who feels alone, depressed, unloved and lost and ultimately that’s not my privilege nor should it be. Every individual has the opportunity grow and come to a place of inner peace, stillness, and enlightenment on their own accord through the choices they make. When you find it you understand that we are love. I struggled intensely for years on the helplessness I felt for the suffering of the planet with war, starvation, etc and have come to the conclusion that the suffering is necessary to grow, it’s a catalyst. As I sit and write these words my conscious mind struggles to make it logical, captivation, and intriguing and the truth is right now I’m simply vibrating, I am in a trance being used as an outlet as we all are. I feel the need to write not so that my words are perfect and profound but simply to write. If you choose to believe in the power of yourself and the power of the creator all things truly are possible. Meditate on love and compassion daily, show yourself love and compassion, if you need something ask, pray, connect they are listening, we are not alone.


The day after a session with DMT I sat for breakfast at my window as I do everyday. I noticed a baby duck continue to dive and stay underwater for long periods of time and was curious why until I saw the awe inspiring wing span of a bald eagle swoop down at the end of my dock repeatedly. This was not coincidence as I have made a life of staring down the rabbit hole and I know my spirit animal is an eagle. I have seen eagles before but nothing as profound, majestic, and spiritual as this experience was. I watched as it flew around right at the very end of my dock and luckily I didn’t watch him get the bird because that would have made me sad. I’ve been sitting in reflection for the last few days coming to terms with the universal truths I have been deeply, deeply realizing. In Zen the masters will talk about levels of understanding of simple truths and I have made giant leaps in the following truths.


  1. We are all one, separation is an illusion
  2. The highest vibration is love


Life is difficult and even with these understandings I need to function in the insane reality that we are trapped in for the time being however I am more at peace with it than I have ever been in my entire life. If we enter each day with pure love and gratitude knowing that we are taken care of. If we choose to look at the dark and “bad” things in our life and choose to find the lessons and look for the good you will find it. Reality is simply an illusion, a game, a test. The only choice we get is how we respond to the external and when you set your inner vibration to love, compassion, and gratitude you free yourself from mountains of unnecessary pain and confusion.


Just breathe, just be, that is all you ever have to do.


With Love,


–       Matt



“The veil of illusion shown bare in stillness

The light within, your beacon to the eternal

Reflect not on the darkness while accepting the gift of wisdom it brings

Shine the light so spirit may find you and you spirit

Shine the light bright so that others may be lifted from the darkness”

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